When I started seriously writing during my junior year of college, I capitalized off of telling stories about what I had been through, and the uncertainty of my future. Many scorned girls followed my path as I had some tales to tell, that were relatable. When I started dating my now fiancé, I felt that it wasn’t right to continue to write about what I had been through, while it was relatable and really what many people who followed my writing liked, I felt the need to respect him. While he didn’t care what I wrote about, I knew that I needed to turn a new leaf, and somewhat rebrand Xo Mella Blog.
Writing became harder because I didn’t want to write about the happy things because a lot of people don’t want to hear about that. I went into major writers block…MAJOR.
Having to rebrand yourself, turn a new page, and having to finally let go of the past, teaches many lessons that some aren’t prepared for. If there is one thing I have learned from a major hiatus from writing, it would be to trust the journey you’re on, but before you can trust anything, you have to let go of what used to be. I have written at least ten million (exaggeration) thought pieces on letting go (all on XoMella.com & Xo Mella Blog Pinterest).
I prayed for years and years for change. I always knew I wanted a life for myself bigger than just caring about myself, and I got just that.
I feel grateful every single day. Most days I don’t feel I deserve the good things that have come my way in the past couple of years. It’s easy to lose sight of your own struggle. The important thing to keep in mind is that life changes every single day. Most, if not all of us have had at least one or for some, many moments where it felt like our whole world got ripped out from underneath our feet. Sometimes you get so far away from that, that you get caught up in petty things, or pointless worry in effort to try to make yourself feel something other than happiness. That’s when you need to stop.
Remember the day you received the worst news ever? When you felt like maybe the words that came out of someone else’s mouth knocked the wind out of you? You realized how much you had taken for granted. Maybe you started to become a little more grateful for the little things. Maybe you started appreciating things you had lost sight of.
You did your time, paid your dues, had many sleepless nights, prayed, a lot. This could have been months, or years for some. Your life starts finally changing, and you realize how happy you are, and how terrifying it can be to really get what you prayed for.
In these times don’t worry, don’t let anxiety creep in, don’t lose sight of the dues you paid to get here. You didn’t come this far to let the good parts of life scare you, when you’ve not been scared yet, after all you have been through.
When you feel undeserving, or like you will never cross the bridge of finally letting go of all of the bad, remember one thing. You’ve had some sleepless nights, where the sun always came up the next day. The world didn’t stop turning because you had a bad day or felt fearful of something. Everyone has times where they can’t get out of their own head. Everyone has felt less then. That’s a part of it all. It’s just about knowing how much is just apart of living life, and how much is too much.
You will have your days in the sun, and you will have days that you’re not sure why all of it is happening. All of it means you are trying, and all of it means you are human. Be easy on yourself.
XO MELLA BLOG 💋